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Jack Bauer vs Jason Bourne vs James Bond
Jack Bauer vs Jason Bourne vs James Bond is the twenty-ninth battle of Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains, and the fourth battle of Season 3. It features a three-way battle between Special Operative Jack Bauer, super assassin Jason Bourne, and infamous spy James Bond. It was published March 12, 2016. Cast Nice Peter as Jack Bauer Wax as Jason Bourne EpicLLOYD as James Bond Lyrics 'Jack Bauer:' I’ll make this quick, I’m brandishing skills and Jason just can’t match it, You two have twenty-four hours to leave the country without a casket! I’m not one to start off wars, but I guess Bourne forgot his bars, Much like how his life starts, don’t worry, I’ll load you in a cop car. The Majesty’s Secret Service has been repurposed. Both of you are failed missions! You’re lost in the water with the sail missing, saved by a crew that went whale fishing! Mr. Bond, strapped with gadgets and chance; Jason, his own fighting stance! By the time this line ends, this traitor would have already crafted an escape plan. 'Jason Bourne:' I’m not one for the classics, and that last bit was tragic, I’m a one man army! Matt Damon giving Jack an ass kick! I got entire agencies hot on my trail, and I still prevail! But why would a spy go on chasing some Bond girl tail? The name’s Bond, James Bond, from which cliches spawned: Every agent from across the pond’s been singing the same song. Don't bring a gun to a knife fight, ‘cause my pen is mightier than the sword, All I need is an article in my arsenal, and I’ll make everyone hit the floor. 'James Bond:' 007, reporting for duty, but truly this must be a joke, this is to be taken quite rudely, For I am a smooth looney with an uzi, who has had more beauties than movies, While both of you are simply moody, parodies that aren’t even “groovy” Yet I’ve been sent to sweep the floor of these groupies? This is a janitor’s duty! On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, with a Q for the fool whose ratings had became a Spectre, Jack, how does it feel to have your tactics be implemented better by Dexter? And Jason! Be careful where you Treadstone or I’ll leave your Webb diss-assembled, My enemies are infamous Thunderballers, you can’t even beat Jimmy Kimmel! 'Jack Bauer:' I Spy two spies marked for me, you should’ve died out at sea! A super soldier who relies on jump cuts and shaky camera scenes! And then there’s this fiend, dressed clean with some hard gear, Whose legacy inspired Austin Powers and this fraud here! Tread lightly, Jason, you’re gonna get gunned down by Treadstone! Should have head home. You want a fake name on your headstone? It may be sad, but has to be said, James is just another agent: dead So face it, Jason, this is the bullet that marked David Webb. 'Jason Bourne:' Now, is it just me, Jimmy, or is Jack repeating himself? Because it seems all he does is makes threats, wave his gun around, and yell While you lay in the cut, waiting for me to expose my expertise, Thinking you can get a one-up on me, but I’ll never cease! Jack, it’s best to leave the action to me in this movie, of course Because in the blink of an eye, I can make you two cower like pussy galores. Time’s ticking down, Bauer. I got power to take you down with little work. With the track that’ll jack Jack up; and leave James shaken, not stirred. 'James Bond:' I’ll leave Jason barely stirring, while Nina keeps Bauer busy shaking his martini, I’m Onatopp of this battle, going Greek with Marie, just the slightest bit cheeky. Bourne’s just a generic rip off of me, that’s why he keeps searching for his own Identity, Your fans are already Cross, so vanish from the rap faster than you did your own Legacy! What’s the matter? You rap like there’s a bullet in your throat, but you aren’t Bourne’s brother, And whose performance is more dead than Bauer’s daughter? Her mother. Jason, do the bombs I drop trigger the memory of the ones that killed your family? I just wanted to hear one good line, but like Bauer’s second child, it never made delivery. Trivia *This is the first battle in 1v1v1 format. Category:Season 3 Category:Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains Category:Jack Bauer vs Jason Bourne vs James Bond Category:TKandMit Category:GravityMan